


im sorry, binnie

by ultskz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death?, Childhood Friends, Gen, M/M, angst ending, beach dates !!, just be aware, lowkey changlix, slight bullying, the start is really fluffy and nice tho, this can possibly be triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 01:37:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16007576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultskz/pseuds/ultskz
Summary: lee felix and seo changbin have always loved the beach. back when they were just young kids in the search for fun, making their way through high school and their teenage years,  the beach was where they met.but now they arent kids anymore, and things aren’t as simple as they used to be.





	im sorry, binnie

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! so im back with an angst fic (they seem to be the thing i most enjoy writing, it seems...). i got this random prompt from a friend about the beach and dates at the pier always seem so romantic to me? i also had a completely different ending planned but.... here we are. im sure youve seen the tags so dont read if you dont think you can handle it! i hope you enjoy :)

the beach is always their favourite place to go. they established that together years ago, when they were just annoying pre-teens trying to survive through high school, puberty kicking in and their growth spurts soon approaching. back then, felix was known to be scruffy, untidy and a mess waiting to happen. he had a signature natural coloured mop of brown hair which he practically never bothered to comb. he had a sociable gang of friends, all of which loved his frequent, nonsensical but hilarious jokes and good humour. even though it was awkward phase for everybody, felix attracted friends like moths drawn to a flame. he was never bored. he had too many people to choose from.

then there was seo changbin. still young and naive, but he had a serious hint to him that people didn’t fit with easily. he wasn’t bubbly, quick witted and bouncing off the walls like felix. no, he was calmer, more reserved and definitely a heck of a lot quieter. after an accident in which both his parents had died, changbin sheltered himself from almost everyone. now taking refuge in a children’s home, he was known for being distrustful and hard to crack. changbin’s sullen outer shell made people wary and bored with him. he was pretty much alone.

flash forward to the beach incident, where the two had met in the weirdest way they could ever imagine. during the weekends and frequent days he was off school, changbin liked to escape from his tiny box of a bedroom and smuggle a few books, a bottle of water and his bus ticket with him. he’d wander his way to the nearest bus stop, and take the next bus only eight minutes away from where he got on. the beach. ever since he’d discovered it, the place was his favourite, and on those days where he felt particularly prone to breaking, he liked to take his trainers off and feel the wet sand beneath him, the sun beating upon his head and the stinging of the cold water at his feet. he’d lounge a bit after taking a walk, and read for the next few hours or so.

which was what he was doing, until he was snapped out of the book’s fantasy world after he felt freezing cold water hit him in the face suddenly, blinding him momentarily. he heard the shrieks of laughter around him as he wiped his eyes and saw that he was soaked head to toe, and that three young teenage boys had dumped an entire bucket of sea water over his head, drenching not only his clothes but also his book, and were hysterically laughing about it in front of him. placing the book to the side and feeling his heart well up with anger, changbin yelled and stood up with fuelled rage.

“what the hell? are you dumb? you ruined my book, assholes!” 

one of them, a sandy blonde kid with light brown eyes to match, barked back to him with traces of laughter in his tone.

“are you missing school to read? you’re such a weirdo, changbin!”

and before changbin could approach the boy and perhaps do something he might regret later, a third party, one that happened to be called lee felix, stepped into the scene, holding his shoes in one hand and running towards them frantically. since the summer heat along with the sun was nigh, his cheeks were adorned with freckles, and he wore short sleeved shirts and loose shorts. it was etched in changbin’s brain the way felix had butted in randomly, babbling something about being mean to others whilst, and this was the important part, taking changbin’s hand in his own and leading him away, changbin’s belongings already in his hands.

they had hung out together for the rest of the day, felix having calmed the other down with soft tones and comforting words. they had even scrambled all their money together and along with a little bit of money hunting and pleading, had bought two ice creams to delight on whilst they chatted.

they seemed like polar opposites, but they both needed each other. changbin longed for a friend to mess around and have company with, someone who wouldn’t get bored of him for a stern exterior, wouldn’t judge his love for more ‘dorky’ esque things and didn’t judge the fact that he had no remaining parents. and felix needed someone that he could personally confide in, someone with whom he wasn’t expected to be bouncy and happy with all the time, someone he could stick around with and rely on unlike his constantly rotating friend groups. they both needed a shoulder to lie on, and for the next few years, that so happened to be each other.

it was now a long time after all of that. they were practically adults now, with lives and potential that was soon to be discovered. they were young and talented, motivated and so determined to go out into the world and do their best. they had studied and passed, and had done their best. even now, when most things felt like they were coming to a close, they promised themselves time to hang out at the beach. over the years, they had created a steady schedule. the same spot, same time, and icecreams if they had something to celebrate and/or they had money. in all these years, neither of them had ever,ever, missed a meeting at the beach.

changbin sat silently, sitting with his bare feet delved deep into the sand. he usually had books and things to keep him company when he arrived early at the beach, things to do so he didn’t absentmindedly stare into the sky whilst waiting for felix, like he often did. today, however, just as he was about to open his current read he felt a tap on his other shoulder, light and delicate.

“hi, binnie.” felix said, his voice smooth. he gave a small smile after he said it, and started to untie and pull off his shoes.

“that’s a bit weird. you’re usually never here this early. you’ve still got another seven minutes.” changbin conveyed, a slight bit bewildered by felix’s sudden entrance.

“ah, well, it’s kind of important today, binnie.” felix breathed, both of his shoes successfully taken off and lying at his side. 

“important? since when? did i forget something?” 

felix had odd traditions of keeping up with anniversaries and dates that were important for the two of the them, traditions changbin didn’t really care that much about. he was sure that today, however, wasn’t anything important, as felix would’ve reminded him about it five thousand times and two weeks before hand.

“no, you didn’t, i promise. don’t mind me, just being a bit weird, that’s all.” changbin watched a little worriedly as felix brushed a hand through his now orange-coloured hair, and he noticed as the other’s eyes scrunched shut for a few seconds as the younger relaxed.

changbin knew the feeling, so he let it slide.

“how was your day? are your parents still being pushy about you moving out?”

“not as much, i guess. though mom is convinced that i go out to see my girlfriend every evening. i’ve told her she’s wrong but that woman won’t listen.” felix sighed.

“i’m better than any girlfriend, and you know it.”

“i’m pretty sure you’re the only thing stopping me from getting a girlfriend.”

“of course, i have a job to do, you know.” changbin said and felix giggled from beside him, nudging changbin as he shamelessly shifted closer, the two with barely any space separating them. 

they sat in silence for a few heartbeats. the sea’s waves tousled in front of them, and the wind was slowly picking up and ruffling the couple’s clothes and hair. it was calm, it was serene, and the two felt at peace with felix’s head starting to dip into the curve of changbin’s shoulder. he closed his eyes, counting his shallow breaths and closing his eyes.

“felix. are you alright?” changbin softly mumbled, tilting his head downwards to look at the other. he was getting increasingly apprehensive whilst we watched felix loosen a breath and sit up, looking changbin squarely in the eyes.

“binnie, you have to promise me something.” he spoke, tone faltering.

with a hint of confusion, changbin nodded.

“when i leave here, i need you to promise that you’ll be okay. and that you won’t do anything stupid. and that you’ll hang on and be happy, and trust others like you’ve trusted me, because i don’t think i’ll be able to leave peacefully knowing that you’ll struggle, and i don’t want to leave with you blaming yourself. i’ve known you too long to give up on you, and i’m so scared, changbin, i’m so scared-” felix rambled as tears gathered in his eyes, his pulse quickening, his clutch on changbin’s arms getting stronger. he felt his gut twisting as he said the words; tears spilling over and rolling down his face as he felt a sob break through his chest.

changbin laced a hand behind felix’s back and one around the others waist, and pulled felix forward, the boy instantly collapsing in his arms as he sobbed into changbin’s shoulder. the elder felt his own tears rising in his eyes, and though he hadn’t understood half of what felix had said, he knew that it had meant a lot. they were sincere, and felix had panicked himself and had gotten wound up over them so much that he was now crying hysterically, changbin feeling his clothes becoming increasingly wet but not caring the slightest. later, when felix was feeling better, he would ask again and they would sort it out. now, he was distraught with worry over the boy melting and sobbing in his arms.

he stayed that way for a few more minutes, their bodies interlocked and wound together tightly. changbin uttered soothing words under his breath, his tone becoming soft and caring. after a short while, felix’s sobs died down and he pulled away from changbin’s shoulder. his eyes were swollen and red, and those usually freckled cheeks were flushed as sniffed sullenly. changbin reached out to grip his hands with felix’s, and the latter held them strongly.

“i’m sorry, binnie.” felix whispered lightly, looking downwards.

the words hit his heart heavily and settled there, changbin finding himself unable to breathe properly, and swallowed tediously, worry etched onto his face and heart.

“why are you apologising? you haven’t done anything…” he trailed off, words dying in his throat.

“it’s okay if you don’t understand now, changbin,” felix sighed, his tears having dried in the sun, “i just need to hear it from your mouth. that you’ll be alright. so i don’t have to worry. so i know that you’ll be fine.” he stopped talking and gazed into changbin’s eyes once again. 

silence. his words hung in the air, heavy and painful and depressing, washing over them both like a cloud and smothering any hint of hopefulness they could have. it was unrelenting and vicious, urging changbin to say _anything_ , anything at all to make the other feel better, to stop worrying him or causing him any pain. a part of changbin wanted to cry as well, and he stared back into felix’s brown eyes, and nodded with one slow movement.

“whatever you think is going to happen, felix, i’ll be alright. i’ll be fine. i have you, so i don’t need to worry, and you shouldn’t either. i can do anything with you by my side.” changbin smiled faintly, and felix’s lips tugged upwards as well, though his smile seemed more sullen and still gloomy like the words he had said a few moments before. felix nodded as he heard changbin finish.

“good. i’m so glad. you better keep your promise.” felix spoke with the only drop of confidence changbin had heard all day.

“i will.”

——————

they spent the next few hours being themselves, as if nothing had occurred, and changbin noticed as felix morphed back into his charming and smiling self. the younger was cheery, smiling, and his eyes and cheeks losing it’s redness and his shirt having dried of tears. they chose to ignore the scene that had just happened and continue in their childish and frivolous ways, chatting together about lighter topics, cracking jokes about the people they hated and getting ice cream together at the same place they had over all these years, both of them ordering the same flavour. throughout it all, their hands remained interlaced. 

their relationship had developed oddly during the years. they had never put an exact label on it, and it had remained ambiguous for a long time before they both realised they liked each other in the more-than-a-friend way. at the start it was embarrassing and both of them were horribly unsure as to how they should approach each other. so when felix finally took a leap of faith and he got the successful result he wanted, they decided to take it slow. fast forward to their long and heartfelt afternoon around the town whilst holding hands in public, and both of them were content. 

they had wandered down the town’s pier, the sound of their feet against the splintering wood and the calm hum of the waves beneath them the only thing to be heard. it was serene, with nearly no one else around them, the sun going down in the distance and causing the sky to merge into a hazy light orange. they walked until they had reached the end of the long pathway, both of them now standing at the edge of the pier, changbin holding onto the rails with both hands and looking downward at the expanse below them.

“did you have fun today?” felix tilted his head slightly as he asked the question, tone faint as his hair fell into his brown eyes, watching the other closely.

changbin hummed in response as he looked off into the distance, the wind ruffling his bangs. 

“i’m glad.” felix breathed, leaning on the rail next to the older.

they fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments, feeling the wind on their face and hearing the rush of the sea. felix’s eyes fluttered shut as he continued.

“i really wish i could stay here forever.” was all he said, exhaling deeply.

“yeah. me too. everything’s so pretty when the sun starts going down.” changbin gestured to the sun that was starting to hide in the horizon.

“i mean like, stay here. forever. with you.” felix had almost whispered the words, head falling downwards. changbin looked at him with affection. in his heart of hearts, he felt the same way. 

“you will be with me, felix. we’ll make sure of that, won’t we?” the raven haired boy said.  
felix didn’t reply. he simply opened his eyes and looked at changbin earnestly, with emotion painted in his eyes and a hint of tears starting to form in them. 

“felix, will you tell me what’s wrong now? you were upset this morning as well. please, just tell me. i could probably help…..” changbin trailed off, feeling a twinge of worry in his heart.

felix shook his head, his breathing starting to quicken. changbin noticed and threaded their hands together, though he was unsure whether he did it for felix or for himself. the feeling of felix’s soft palms beneath his fingers and the knuckles he traced calmed a small storm inside him. 

“don’t forget me, binnie.” felix whimpered as he clutched their joint hands towards his chest, and closed his eyes, shutting himself off from the beautiful view of the sea because even if it was pretty, the feeling of being with seo changbin was even prettier. the flutter of butterflies in his stomach would never go away when he was around him. he could live a thousand life times, meet a thousand people, wish upon a thousand stars and he’d never experience such a burning wave compared to when the other touched him. it was an ethereal feeling. it was as if felix had just grown wings and was an angel learning to fly, and he was soaring, feeling the wind rush against him, feeling his legs go weak. and he only ever experienced it with changbin.

“why would i forget you?” dark eyes glittered in confusion and felix simply held on harder, a small spark of happiness and regret and guilt and sadness rolling in his heart because he felt all those things and more when he looked at changbin, his emotions became tangled in an nonsensical mess that felix didn’t understand. it was like his metaphorical wings were turning to ash and being burnt off his back with the power of an inferno.

“it’s getting dark, binnie. let’s go home.” felix whispered. 

and as they turned their back on the dissolving sunset in sky, hand in hand, hearts intertwined, felix being confident in the promises changbin had given him, he knew it would be alright.

it would be alright.

that evening, felix dropped his older counterpart off at the large, mansion-like home for a plethora of young adults. he had hugged changbin tightly, looked him in the eyes, and said “i love you.” as well as he could without tearing up.

felix had yelled an optimistic “goodnight!” at changbin’s back as he walked inside, and had seen changbin’s grin in response.

he knew it would be the last thing he’d ever say to him.

——————

the beach was always their favourite place to go. so when felix didn’t turn up at his usual time the next day, changbin was immediately concerned.

at first, he concluded that he got caught up, or was running late, or maybe even his mother was angering him like always. but even so, changbin had received no message, text or call, and felix never ‘forgot’ about their daily escapades to the beach. neither of them did. it was their favourite place to go, after all. and they never forgot about each other like that.

changbin had walked aimlessly along the beach front for another ten minutes, getting a slight bit impatient and worried. even the waves were less calming now, and the experience of his toes touching the deathly cold water was just that: an unpleasant experience when usually the two of them laughed whilst braving it together. worry writhed in changbin’s mind mercilessly for yet another few minutes whilst he texted and called.

a part of him knew he was overreacting. it was normal for friends to be a little bit late. maybe felix had forgotten or lost his phone? maybe something had happened? something more important than him? something actually serious?

changbin slipped his shoes back on, biting at his fingernails and playing with his silver necklace ever so often. he fumbled with the chain around his neck, mumbling to himself about mundane things, trying to avoid the subject of _lee felix_. 

he spent an hour alone at the beachfront.

and then changbin knew something was really wrong.

panicking now, he got on the next bus without a plan of what to do. changbin sat and stared out of the window as his mind went blank. his insides felt as if they were curling up and he wanted to vomit but he couldn’t make a coherent thought, the bus shaking him violently every time it went up or down a bump in the road.

like a broken record, changbin’s brain replayed every word felix had said the previous night. it was the only thing that kept him sane.

_” i just need to hear it from your mouth. that you’ll be alright. so i don’t have to worry.”_

_“i really wish i could stay here forever.”_

_“don’t forget me, binnie.”_

his words threaded together, clicked into place like puzzle pieces along with changbin’s panicking mind. together, they conjured a horrible thought.

_felix……_

_“i’m sorry, binnie.”_

**Author's Note:**

> hit me with those comments and kudos please ! its greatly appreciated :)
> 
> ps. i might even write more of this for a better ending like the one i had planned


End file.
